Morning's Dew
by jo-ela05
Summary: Set posthunting party JackKate a little Sawyer spoilers for season 2, deals with adult issues.
1. Chapter 1

Author: Jo-ela05

Title: Morning's due. Part 1

Summary: Set post 'hunting gang' and ignorant of anything that's happened since then as it's the most recent ep I've seen.

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine I'm just borrowing them don't sue me I'm poor.

Spoilers: Season 2 up to 'hunting gang'.

Jack regarded Kate from across the beach. He had hardly spoken to her in weeks but then the lack of communication, and effort, had been a mutual thing. He was angry, blazing in fact, at her stupid pigheadedness and the fact that her stubbornness had in all likelihood cost Michael his life. When they had first returned in effect empty handed he had walked away from her but even as he walked could feel her begging him to talk to her with her eyes. Since then he had watched her. She and Sawyer had been spending a lot of time together at first, they seemed deep in some private discussion, but gradually she seemed to have pushed him away as well. In the last few days he had barely observed her speak to anyone and somewhere deep himself he felt a small glimmer of satisfaction that his rejection of her affected her enough to isolate her. He acknowledged that he had found a cruel streak in himself but knew it was partly pride that after all the tension and non-action withholding his company and counsel could affect her so much. She looked exhausted. It seemed that she wasn't sleeping, but in fact had observed her retiring early and rising late, but perhaps that was just an attempt to further isolate herself from the group. He had barely seen her eat in days, but in truth had little sympathy for her. She had not seemed like the sort to indulge in self pitying behavior but from her sunken eyes and bedraggled appearance of that morning he guessed she had taken a liking to it.

Abruptly his thoughts were interrupted by Sawyer's approached. Jack silently cursed himself for allowing Sawyer to catch him out 'Kate-watching' as he had termed it. He was sure they were, or had, pursued a relationship following their latest jungle incursion but had been most surprised that Sawyer had not felt the need to rub his nose in it.

"Hey, doc," his usual coarse greeting was familiar, "you gonna go talk to her?"

Jack regarded him with the disdain that he generally reserved for smaller cockroaches, "Why, Sawyer? You two had a lover's tiff already?"

Sawyer leaned in close and snarled, "You've no idea what you're talkin about, Jack."

Although used to his generally abusive disposition, the speed at which it came to play surprised Jack, despite this he turned on him, "Then why don't you tell me, huh? Tell me all about poor k ate, while Michael's probably dead because she couldn't take an instruction."

Sawyer snorted, "That's what this's about? Let me tell you something, Jack, you've no idea what Kate went through out there, what they ..." the faltered on his words and surprised himself and Jack, "what they _did _to her, but I don't expect you to care cos you're on your big ole high-horse cos a lil troop didn't follow your orders. Well, she's payin now, now I'm no expert Mr. Big-shot spinal surgeon, but she looks like she could use a doc to me. What are you folks to fond of? Post-traumatic stress? Whatever she's sick, you're a doc get off your horse and talk to her."

Sawyer started to walk away, Jack called him back, "Wait, what do you mean? What did they do? There was hardly a mark on her, she said she was OK."

Sawyer kept facing away, "Sure she did, they don't always leave marks where you can see em, jack."

"Tell me."

"It ain't up to me," he finally turned back to return Jack's gaze, "not mine to tell see."

Jack drew himself level with Sawyer again, "So then tell me as a doctor what are her symptoms?"

Sawyer suppressed a half laugh, "Seem's to me you got a pretty good idea all the watchin you been doing. But I seen her more. She's tired, she ain't eatin, an ain't keeping down much o' what she does, think you might bother yourself to talk to her now?"

It took every ounce of self control but jack shrugged, "She knows where I am."

"You're a prick Jack you know that?" Were Sawyer's departing words.

Jack starred after him and silently cursed him, while dealing with Sawyer he'd lost his track on Kate.

It didn't take long for him to find her though, well, actually it seemed as though the work would be spared him today as it was Locke bounding toward him which brought her to his attention.

"Jack," he shouted, "Jack, its Kate I found her, she's out cold, looks like she hit her head."

Crashing along in Locke's wake Jack felt something like the island paramedic. Many times he had wished there were another medic on the Island, how often he though of the nice anonymity some of the survivors enjoyed by having no notable profession or skills. Then he normally realized immediately that he would in fact go insane to not be on control of at least a small portion of their Island life.

Abruptly they came to a stop and he saw Kate on the ground in front of them. Locke had rolled her onto her side, he could see she was beginning to come around, but her eyes remained heavy.

"Kate?"

Jack's voice pierced the fog that surrounded her and she startled slightly springing her eyes open. The world continued to swim in front of them so she eased her hand over them and was surprised to find it shaking. She eased herself up slightly and stopped amid a wave of nausea, she did not want to totally embarrass herself.

"Kate? What happened?" Jack was asking her. Everything seemed so sharp she physically felt the words hit her and she was afraid she might vomit again.

"Err," she stumbled on her words, what had happened? She wasn't sure, "I guess I tripped and hit my head?"

"No Kate, I think you just fainted." Locke, what was he doing here? Her brain was aching she needed to lie down, flat, somewhere dark.

She could hear Jack rustling around, he was feeling awkward, _good,_ a part of her brain said, she was beginning to feel rather foolish sitting on the ground here with them standing over her, perhaps she should get up now?

Feeling for the tree next to her she gradually pulled herself upright, feeling nauseated she turned away from her onlookers to steady herself. As she became aware of an arm on hers she raised her head to meet jack's eyes. His gaze was concerned, but did not lack some of the cold anger she had so often seen over the last few weeks, "OK?" he said to her.

"Sure." She attempted to brush it off, unsure whether she could deal with his issues on top of her own.

"Good," Locke intoned cheerfully, "I'm off to find us some boar then, leave her in your capable hands jack?" He did not hang around for the response.

Kate was dimly aware that jack was steering her around, she disliked the action but did not have the will or energy to protest, "I'm taking you back to the hatch, have a look at that cut ok?"

She merely shrugged in response.

As they made their way to the hatch Jack allowed himself to remain half a step ahead of Kate. He was aware that she was struggling, in fact probably stumbling would be the best word, but his pride prevented him from offering a hand to steady her as much as hers prevented her from asking for a slower pace or a helping hand.

So it was in this thick enforced silence that they continue their trudge to the hatch. Reaching the concealed doorway jack made his concession to chivalry and opened the door to allow Kate access ahead of him. Though, if he was perfectly honest with himself he was unsure whether this was a gentlemanly act or he was cutting the risk of Kate peeling away into the jungle to avoid whatever conversation they were about to have. They had so far skillfully avoided having this discussion for six weeks. As she passed by him he saw that whatever was going on, be that between them, in her head, between her and Sawyer, had taken a toll on her unlike any event he had seen so far on the island.

Her posture was slouched, her head stooped low, shoulder slack, she looked, well, defeated. He steered her to a small side room ahead of them that he had set up with the limited amount of medical equipment he had been able to salvage from various places. It contained only basics, a bunk and a shelving unit sparsely populated with dressings and other minor injury treatments.

Without speaking he motioned her to sit on the bunk while he busied himself organizing some equipment to clear her wound. In truth he was not quite ready to face her in her raw state and feared that the questions he needed to ask would break her further. "So, what happened today Kate?" He decided on the light ER doc approach.

She shrugged her eye fixed to the floor, "I felt a little dizzy, I guess, maybe I tripped, maybe I fainted, I'm fine." Her voice was flat and expressionless, not like the fiery Kate he had come to know during their time here.

He remained in levity mode as he approached, "I'm going to clean this out, it's going to sting. I want to keep an eye on you a while, you could be concussed, but then you'd be seeing two of me and that's just a bonus right?"

She did not respond to his joke nor to the sting of the chlorhexdine which he used to clean her head lac, she was disconnected.

Once he had finished his medical task he felt his own confidence faltering in his ability to help her. Perhaps he would be better off sending her back to Sawyer. After all it was him she had confided in originally, jack had no idea what had gone on out there. Or maybe he didn't want to. Her mood, her posture, her whole body was screaming _I feel trapped, I'm frightened, _but loudest of all, _don't touch me._ He had seen it before in the victims of sexual assault. Had they hurt her?

Sliding down from his position next to her he crouched on the floor in an attempt to get eye contact with her, "Kate?" he said gently to draw her eyes to focus on him, "What's going on with you?"

She returned his gaze for half a second then turned it down again. Jack could see tears splash onto her jeans, he fought the urge to comfort her. He knew that once you embrace someone, and they feel protected hey don't want that feeling to leave so they stop talking, stop making whatever is in their heads real.

"Kate, Sawyer told me something happened out there, maybe if you talk to me I can-"

"What did Sawyer say?" She whispered.

"He told me to talk to you, that's it Kate, nothing else. He wouldn't tell me anything else."

"It's my own fault, I deserved it. I should have listened to you, now Michael-"abruptly she stopped and broke down into sobs.

Gently he took her hands, "Kate, Michael was crazy with trying to find his son, we would never have caught up with him anyway. Please Kate, talk to me."

She backed away shaking her head, "I can't. Can I go now? I need some air."

"Do you have a headache?"

She shook her head without looking at him, all the time her eyes on the door.

"I'd rather you stayed here, you can rest for a while, I don't want you left alone, you look dehydrated. Kate, Sawyer said you've been vomiting, are you drinking?"

"Jack, I don't feel so good, could I just lay down and we'll talk later."

"Sure, here," he covered her over with a blanket as she lay down, "I'm just going to be outside the door, I've some Dharma reading to catch up on."

He was sure that she was asleep before he shut the door.

Having paced for a good hour and checked on his patient every 15 minutes, which a good practitioner would with a patient with a potential head injury, jack eventually did sit down and catch up on some Dharma initiative reading. The perfect bedtime reading he was, of course, asleep in a short time himself.

Jack woke with a start, not really realizing he had even fallen asleep, why had he jumped? A door had slammed the button? No, he couldn't here anyone or the alarm sounding. Gently he pushed the door to the room he had left Kate in open, she want there. Standing at the door way directly opposite there was a bathroom, the door was slightly agar. He knocked lightly and eased his way in.

Kate was curled over the toilet one hand either side while she vomited. He eased himself down beside her and placed a hand on her back so he was sure she knew he was there. It was a calculated gesture, she knew she had some support yet it was not too intimate. She was soaked with sweat, "Do you have a fever?"

She could just manage a shake of her head while she continued to cough and retch.

"Headache?"

Another shake of the head. After a few minutes the retching calmed and she slid her hands in front of her and rested her head down on them facing the floor.

"Are you vomiting any blood?"

"No," her voice was hoarse with the effort she had expended, "just green, what's that?"

Though he felt a little intrusive doing so he lent over to inspect himself, "It's bile, it's meant to help you digest your food, and I'm guessing you haven't eaten for a while?"

Kate shook her head within the limited movement range she could manage that did not make her want to vomit again.

"How long have you been vomiting?"

"About a week."

"How many times?"

"Four or five, a day." She took a shaky breath and sat herself more upright. Jack could see her features were ashen, she had broken out in a cold sweat, he watched her wipe the back of her hand across her face to try to clear her vision.

"Why didn't you talk to me sooner?"

She shrugged, "I just thought I could handle it, or not, it would go away."

"It hasn't," Jack ventured, "did they drug you? Could you be reacting to something? Clare didn't remember much of anything after they took her-"

Kate visibly shivered, "I remember they didn't drug me, you were angry, I didn't want to tell you."

Jack was startled by her honesty, he considered it a hallmark of their relationship, the dodging around the truth and final confrontation, it seemed she did not have the energy for it, "I was angry at myself, they found my weakness, you, and you got hurt because they wanted to get at me."

Their statements hung in the air between them, but they both knew there were bigger ones looming, "They raped you." Jack stated.

"I think I'm pregnant Jack." She stated back.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Morning's dew pt2

Author: jo-ela05

Disclaimer: they're not mine and don't I know it.

Summary: Following on from part 1, how will jack cope with Kate's situation, spoilers for season 2.

Following their discussion jack helped Kate back to the room he had been using as a medical base and handed hr a glass of water, "I know you don't feel like drinking but you're dehydrated it'll make your nausea worse if you don't."

She nodded her thanks and sipped it tentatively. She felt awkward having finally expressed her fears openly she found herself unsure what to do or say next. Regarding Jack she sensed he was equally uneasy about the situation.

He cleared his throat and made eye contact with her for the first time in a few minutes, it was fleeting as he decided on what words would be best, "I'm sorry I didn't make it easy for you to talk to me, you seemed OK, I was a little tunnel visioned, too stupid to admit I shouldn't have been."

Kate did not know how to respond, she knew it had been equal parts both them in the pride department that prevented her from seeking his help earlier, "Maybe it's just stress? Maybe I'm not pregnant."

Jack cleared his throat again, ware it was becoming a habit he resolved not to do it again, "Were you, I mean, using … taking any birth control? Before the crash, after?" The questions should have been easy, he was used to asking them and yet found himself stumbling over the words again; he could not pretend this was just another patient, it was _Kate, _and whether he wanted to admit it or not he had feelings for her. Not that he would wish what se had been through on anyone, but he did wish that it was someone else sat opposite him right now.

She shook her head, "No." There was little else to add. She was aware suddenly that once again he was keeping both physical and emotional distance from her, using his medical method to keep her from impacting on him.

"We can do a test; there were a surprisingly large amount in the fuselage."

Despite herself Kate giggled, "Really? Who travels with that sort of thing?"

"Someone very paranoid but not enough to actually do the test I suppose."

The smile faded off her face, "I'm not sure, I mean, well-"

Jack interrupted her, taking her hand, "I'll be here, you're not on your own, I'll help you through it ok?"

Kate took a wavering breath and nodded her head in agreement, "OK, but I can pee on my own, ok?"

"OK."

Three minutes can be an awfully long an awkward time they discovered. Kate stared out the window, though there was nothing to see being that they were underground, jack faced her and regarded her as she mentally paced the room, though she had managed to prevent herself from doing so physically.

"Kate?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I need to ask you something," once her eyes were on him he felt less sure he needed to be proceeded anyway, "Why did you run?"

She paused, "Why? I didn't want to go to jail, its really that simple, Jack."

Jack shook his head, "No, I meant, when we, when we … had that …kiss, why did you run away?"

She looked crestfallen, he knew it was a fairly deplorable cause of action because he knew she couldn't run from him right now, and if she did would come back fairly soon, but he felt they'd most likely be spending a bit of time together and he just _had_ to know where he stood so he could carry on without messing his own head up to save hers.

"I … I really like you, Jack, but I'm no good for you, I'll just hurt you. You're too _nice_ to me, you deserve someone better."

"That's not your decision to make, Kate it's mine. Maybe I'm not as nice as you think; maybe I've done my fair share of hurting people too."

"But you never killed anyone, Jack, that's what separates us."

"And that's what gives you and Sawyer something in common?"

Kate looked away, yes it was, she and Sawyer were more alike than she cared to admit, and that was why Sawyer continued to exert a pull over her, she could let herself go, he could not be judgemental because he was no better than her. But she had been better, once.

"I lie jack, all the time, in fact I don't think I even have to do it purposefully anymore. Earlier you asked me if I'd been pregnant before and I said no, that was a lie I have."

Jack raised an eyebrow, "I know, and you didn't lie you didn't answer my question. You don't lie to me Kate, you just refuse to tell me the truth and that tells me more than you will ever know."

She looked back at him, startled, he was right, she had rarely lied to him, except when they first met, and even then he saw right through her.

"And you're wrong, Kate, I have killed a man-"

"Jack, having someone die when you're treating them does not mean you killed them." She cut him off, that was Jack, taking responsibility for everything and everyone; fix the world and everyone in it, that was his mission.

"Kate, I killed the Marshall. I did it to end his suffering, but, the reason I could do it is because I knew with him dead you'd have a chance of getting away when we are rescued."

She stared at him, she could not believe what she had heard, absently she sat down opposite him and she was dimly aware of him approaching her. He crouched in front of her.

"Kate, it's positive, you're pregnant."

"Shit." She whispered to herself, the thick blue line starred back at her, it taunted her _one drink too many, serves you right, you've had your fun now it's time to pay._

Abruptly she became aware of the banging on the door, "Katherine? You're late; hurry up, you're supposed to be checking that horse out see if it's a stud worth having, what you doing in there anyhow?"

Her mother was trying to hurry her along, "Come on Katherine you're twenty one, when are you going to be able to get yourself up without an alarm clock?"

"_Oh in about eight months time I suspect ma."_ She whispered under her breath.

Hiding the test in her jacket pocket she slid passed her mother and out the door. Her beat up old bug waited for her on the drive, it used to be yellow like an NY cab, but these days it was so dusty and dented she doubted anyone could make that distinction anymore. As she slid into the driver's seat she saw Tom's tie curled up in the compartment of the passenger door, a further reminder of their indiscretion the night he left. She had no doubt that she could call him and tell him about the pregnancy and he would leave his residency and come back here to nowhere Ville to discuss what she wanted to do and how he could support her. Or that he would support her, and a baby, because he was just hat kind of guy, but she knew it wouldn't be fair, on either of them. Because she loved him, but he just loved the idea of her. He loved that he had an idyllic teenage romance with, almost literally, the girl next door, he loved the fond memories of summer afternoons and that was what had led him to participate in the back alley fumble which had led to this baby's conception. But he did not love her, of that she was painfully aware.

As she approached her destination her attention was drawn by what she assumed to be the horse she had been sent to look over. It was a beautiful creature, jet black, muscular, perfect shinning coat. Her attention was so drawn that she did not see the oncoming car cross out of its lane until it was too late.

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"Kate?" Jack was talking, she was vaguely aware of it above the chattering of her teeth. "Kate? Did you hear me?"

She nodded her affirmation but momentarily could not respond, her mind was still on the asphalt after another irresponsible decision, no seatbelt, saw her thrown from car onto the road, "I'm cold." She shivered, suddenly realising that she could not possibly be cold as she was in fact, currently resident on a tropical island. Before her brain had time to catch up Jack was there, wrapping a blanket around her, talking softly in a soothing tone, still she could not stop the shaking.

He hugged her in close and held her tight as she continued to shiver against him, "It's ok Kate, I'll take care of you, I'll help you through this."

She shook her head slowly, "How, Jack? How can I … do _this?_ I can't _have_ this, Jack, I can't, it's too ... much, no" she was sobbing into him, unable to maintain the barriers she had worked so hard to erect.

"Shhh, don't think about that now, just get some rest, then we'll talk about what we can do when you're up to it."

She struggled away from him and ran for the bathroom; following her he held her hair as he retched over the toilet.

"Kate, its OK you're just panicking, just take some deep breaths and it'll stop, ok?"

She did as instructed and curled herself back against him, his warmth felt reassuring but she could not stop the sobbing which she was sure had less to do with her current situation than he thought.

"It won't stop, Jack, it just never stops."


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: sorry its taken ages to update, it's a long update that'll have to keep you going for a while as I'm snowed with a course, work and 2 kids right now. Will update as soon as I can, R&R to encourage me to keep going!_

Ch 3.

Following her test result Kate said very little. Jack did not try to pry information from her, he was happy for now to wait it out until she processed enough through her own mind to verbalise anything with him. After his shift with the button ended he suggested they take a walk to the beach to get some air, talk with some other people and generally show their faces so people didn't think they'd killed each other or something.

Kate resisted the idea at first, not wishing to discuss anything with anyone yet, but after Jack's reassurances that no one else knew she reluctantly conceded.

They arrived on the beach just before sunset, Locke approached them and inspected Kate's laceration, declaring it pretty unimpressive, then quickly made his excuses and turned away. Kate found an empty stretch of sand and sat to watch the waves on the shore line. Jack did his evening rounds, as he thought of them and checked on the general well-being of the other island survivors.

As Kate sat she became aware of someone watching her from behind.

"Can I help you with something Sawyer?" She said finally.

"Finally found something you can't run form then, eh Freckles?"

She did not give him the pleasure of a sharp reply, "I'm not running Sawyer, perhaps you haven't noticed? There are few places to run on this Island."

He sat next to her and matched her stare out over the ocean, "Sure, but in your head, you're still runnin. Why do you think you told me about what happened and not ole Jack?"

Still she did not face him, "because you were there, Sawyer and jack wasn't. We're talking now, he knows everything important, he's still here and so am I, in fact I think I'd like to get back to him and discuss things further. By the way, thanks for talking to Jack, please don't discuss this with anyone else." She faced him only to add emphasis to her words then was gone.

She found jack at the other end of the beach, he smiled at her return. After a brief discussion the decided that they would both stay at the hatch tonight, he told the other he wanted to keep an eye on her after she knocked herself out this afternoon. There were several knowing glances and junior high-type smiles but no comment was made and they returned as darkness fell over the island.

As they entered the hatch Jack entered the small sitting room which currently housed Charlie and Hurley who were part way through their button pushing shifts. Kate steered herself to the small bay which contained the bunk and tried to listen to what excuse Jack was giving them for their presence here this evening. She, disappointingly, heard very little despite her straining through the heavy door. She was startled by Jack's sudden appearance through the door a she had not heard his foot fall. She felt momentarily vulnerable, thinking she could not hear anyone approach, then realised that Jack had removed his shoes in small sitting room before joining her. She smiled at him and was surprised how comfortably and easily the expression came to her, she felt it had been a long time since she offered a true smile to anyone, even Jack.

He returned her gestured and reclined in the easy chair he'd earlier dragged in from the small sitting / kitchen area. "Don't know about you, but I'm beat." He shuffled in an attempt to make himself comfortable, a futile measure but he did no mind so much if he got to watch over Kate for the night. He analysed himself as shifted himself, was that all he wanted? To protect her, fix her? Be her doctor? No, he knew it wasn't, he wanted to know her to be part of her life, not just someone to muse over, clash with, and even manipulate as he had been so far.

"You aren't thinking of sleeping on there are you, Jack?" she asked him, "You'll wake up shaped like a question mark!"

"Then I'll be perfectly suited to fit into your life." He realised that his remark was perhaps a little sharp, but he had not intended it to be, it had been born out of his previous thoughts of their relationship so far, he sensed however, that something had shifted and she was ready to share more and allow him a look at what had really happened in her life before this place.

"And to your personality, always questioning, Jack." She threw the remark off, and he was glad, her mood had lightened significantly. Perhaps the truth can set you free. At least now she knew what she was facing, perhaps the imagination is worse than what reality delivers.

"It's my training," he dimmed the lights, "try to get some sleep, Kate. We can deal with all _this_ in the day light, OK?"

She nodded her assent and lay on her side facing away from Jack. The unconscious gesture _you've got my back, _it had been a long time since she slept with her back to anyone.

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_It was dark, really dark. But still there was noise everywhere, people where shouting, numbers, words she didn't understand, her name, someone was shouting at her to open her eyes. _Are they closed? _She thought to herself, maybe they are. She tried to pull them open but they must have been tied down, she mused that an Olympic weight lifter could not have prized her eyes open at this point in time._

_Instead of the words, the darkness, her eyes, she tried to concentrate on what she knew. _I am alive, well I think I am, it's dark but if I were dead I'd have no reason to open my eyes, would I? _What's the last thing she remembers? The horse, beautiful, she was driving … the intersection, .. the car… what happened?_

_She tries to feel something with her hand, is she still in the car? Can she reach the door handle, no, she thinks her hand is tied down, no, wait, someone is holding it down, why? What else can she feel? Its cold, she feels cold, she realises for the first time that she is shivering; she's laying down on something hard. Hands, her hands are hurting, she feels pressure in the veins in the backs of her hands, something cold moving up from them, up to her arms. An I.V.? She thinks she must be alive if she has two IV's. She must be very sick though. Now her neck, her head is being pulled to one side, she fights, she is beaten, she wants to scream as she feels a long tube winding it's way through a vein in her neck, but her hands have stopped hurting, that's good right?_

_What else can she feel? Her legs, _oh good I CAN feel my legs, _but her thighs are warm and damp, _oh God, _she thinks, _I have to tell them about the baby!

_Finally she understands what someone is saying, 'she's pregnant,' a nurse shouts from across the room, 'not any more' is the grim reply from her side._

_Her world turns dark again._

Kate jumped awake and found herself sitting up, it took a little while for her consciousness to catch up with the leap her body had made from sleeping to upright. As she sat, hearing her own breathing and heartbeat rushing through her ears, she let her memory drift back to her slowly instead of trying to force the recollection of where she was back into her head.

Dark, yes it was definitely dark, but she could make out shapes so her eyes were open, she made an effort to slow her breathing as the room came into focus properly and her mind put it into context. Her eyes cleared her dark fog of the room as her brain fought through the fog of her mind. Finally she brought her eyes down from the ceiling they had fixed on and they found jack returning her gaze.

"You OK?" he asked her in hushed tones, "Feeling sick again?"

She shook her head, "No, I'm ok, I was just dreaming."

He sat beside her on the bed, "Want to talk?"

She shrugged, "Not really, it's cold down here, I never noticed that before." She shuffled over to allow him more space then lay on her side to face him, she gestured that he should join her.

He raised a questioning eyebrow but lay next to her regardless. His posture was uncomfortable, not really knowing what the boundary of this interaction was. "What are you thinking about?" He asked her.

"Just this, this whole situation, what I should do."

He noticed that she avoided putting her thoughts into specifics, perhaps it was easier to pretend that this was a vague situation when in fact what was required was a specific decision. "If we weren't here, what would you be thinking about it then?"

"If we weren't here, hadn't crashed on to an Island inhabited by its very own psychotic tribe who like to snatch babies and pregnant women?" He nodded in response, "I wouldn't be thinking very much because I wouldn't have this decision to make Jack. I'd be in prison, I'd never have met you and I certainly wouldn't be pregnant."

Jack nodded his assent, "I know, this place is crazy, no one would expect you want to have this baby, Kate, no one will judge you, but no one has to know, whatever you decide until you're ready." Jack took a deep breath in, "But, Kate, you should know that it may not be as simple as you might think."

She almost laughed in reply, "Simple? There are many things I would call _this_ but simple is not one of them Jack."

"I know, I just mean, I want to help you, whatever that means, but you should know. We have lots of drugs that could ... harm the ... baby, but right now I don't have anything that would ... _finish_ the pregnancy." He tried to put it as delicately as he could, meaning of course that if she wanted to end the pregnancy they were going to have to do something pretty drastic to bring that about.

She raised an eyebrow, "oh, I hadn't really thought about it, but I'm not so sure that's what I want to do, Jack."

He looked surprised, "Really?"

She turned onto her back to avoid facing him, she felt a little like a high school girl at camp, she always found it easier to be honest if she did not have to watch his reaction and monitor his response, the ceiling would be an adequate conversational partner, "Jack, I've done a lot of things I shouldn't have since I've been on the run, I've probably hurt a lot of people, my family, friends. If this had happened anywhere else, you know without _consent_ I wouldn't hesitate. But things are different here, what if, having this baby, keeping it safe, what if that's a chance to atone for some of the things I've done? Give a child a chance of life that I probably would have just discarded if I were anywhere else?"

He waited until her eyes returned to him to give his response, "That's a lot to put on yourself, and a child Kate. In this sort of environment, it's not going to be an easy pregnancy."

"Is there such a thing? I thought you said there wasn't really another option?" she turned her back on him and directed her gaze out of the window into the sunlight substitute which shone against the rocks and through the gap in the blinds.

He hesitated, then moved in closer and lay his hand on her arm, "I want you to think about this, if you want this baby that's great I'll be here, I'll do whatever you need to help, but if you don't I will find a way to help you." He hesitated again, "Maybe Sun knows of something natural? You can trust her, she's discreet, she won't tell anyone, she'll help us."

Kate did not respond but was hung up on Jack using the word _us_, what did he mean by that? It wasn't his baby, he didn't have any real responsibility for her, other than being her self-appointed physician, psychologist, friend and occasional kissing partner and yet she was struck by his overwhelming response that they had to work it out together. She hadn't depended on anyone in years, not since Tom, after the accident. She sighed, "Jack, I just am not sure I can go through it again. Before, I lost my baby and everything turned upside down from there. I lost every certainty I ever had in my life after that, one by one. But, really how can I have this baby? It would be selfish, put everyone in danger. And I know I don't want this baby, I'm just not sure I can face the alternative right now."

Jack pulled her close and wrapped the blanket around them both, "It doesn't have to be now, or tomorrow, or the next day you're in control and if you don't want to do it then you know that everyone of us will do our best to keep you both safe. As for certainties, you have a new one Kate, I'm going to be here, right here, ok? I meant it, we're in this together, I'm not letting you run away from me this time."

He eased her up and slipped his other arm underneath her so she was enveloped between them, she did not return the contact but relaxed against him, after a few minutes of silence he leant over and saw she was sleeping, he gently planted a kiss on her forehead and sunk back down beside her following her to sleep.

When Jack woke it was daylight, but then it had been daylight when he fell asleep thanks to the constant artificial sunlight they had been, as of yet, unable to turn off for a respite. Glancing to his left he found Kate still fast asleep his arm underneath her. His arm was in fact feeling quite dead but in the circumstances he didn't mind. He had never seen Kate so utterly asleep; in fact he was not sure he had ever actually seen her asleep, ever. She always seemed to be awake whatever the time of day or night he came across her. It seemed her super-human powers had failed her and the physical exhaustion of pregnancy induced ailments and the fairly hostile environment had taken their toll on her. Although generally of a pale complexion her face was virtually transparent and her lips almost white, even in sleep her brow wore a furrow indicative of her troubles. As she finally stirred, perhaps feeling his gaze on her, he extracted his arm from beneath her, "Mornin." He said softly.

She opened her eyes and her brow furrowed deeper, "mmmmm." she groaned.

_Not a morning person then,_ he though to himself but out loud, "You OK?"

"The room's kind of ... spinning."

Jack took her hand, "I'll get you some water, stay here."

He crept away wishing to cause as little disturbance as he could, in the kitchen area he found Charlie and Hurley lounging following their shift on the button. He imagined they had waited to see if they could pick up any information, being that their shift had ended roughly an hour ago.

"Hey, dude, what's up?" Hurley greeted him with a seemingly knowing smile.

"Just need some water for Kate, she's not feeling so hot."

They exchanged glances, "Worn her out man?"

"Kept her up all night I bet, man." Was Charlie's contribution.

"No, actually, she sick, OK? And she doesn't need you two making stupid comments OK?" Jack snapped back at them.

Hurley spread his hands in a surrendering gesture, "Whatever dude, no business of mine, is she like ... _quarantine_ sick though?"

"No, Hurley, she's not, she probably has a concussion, she needs an eye keeping on her so she'll probably be staying in the hatch today, that Ok with you?"

"Whoa, chill out Jack, we're sorry OK. Just having a joke, we didn't mean anything by it." Charlie said to his back as he stormed away.

Jack handed her the water and she drank silently, "Thanks." she said simply, meaning far more than just the water be being unable to put anything else into words.

Again, jack assumed what she had come to think of as his 'medical pose' opposite her.

"You're still dehydrated, keep drinking." Kate nodded her agreement, "There's some things I should do, feel your abdomen, make sure the baby's in the right place, take a history, you don't have to answer anything you're not comfortable with. It just helps me to take care of you now if I know what's happened before."

She nodded her agreement, "Now?"

"No time like the present." He hesitated, "I know this is awkward, Kate, I feel close to you, I wouldn't normally know my _patients_ this well, also I suppose OB is not exactly my speciality either."

She shrugged, "It's OK Jack, there's not a lot of choice about anything on this Island is there? We're all in a situation we don't want to be in; we just have to make the best of it."

He nodded, using a sideways glance to buy him a moment, "Can you tell me about your previous pregnancy?"

She nodded, her expression remained solemn, "I lost the baby at about 15 weeks, I was in a car accident. After that I had a still birth." She was to the point, brief, _rip that band aid off Kate._

Jack's expression fell about 100 feet, this pregnancy would have meant to much to her, he could see now why she had tried to get her head around a way that it would be OK to keep the baby. Make what had happened acceptable to herself. He could see why she had denied it to herself, wanting to stave off all those unhappy memories. He felt sick at the prospect of helping her end this pregnancy, what she was about to go through, it would bring back memories of every horrifying second of what she's already gone through. "Kate," he whispered, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea. If I'd known ... I had no idea... I made you deliver Clare ... Kate I'm so sorry, that must've ..."He lowered his head to his hands.

"Shh." She placed a comforting hand on top of his head, "You didn't know Jack, you're not cruel. Anyway, it was a good thing to do, no harm done OK?"

He nodded but did not feel any conviction. No wonder she kept so many secrets, the most basic things had turned on her, he couldn't imagine how she'd ever gotten out of bed after that. "Did you have any medical problem with the pregnancy, you know with regard to your own health?" His voice remained hushed as if speaking in a church; he could not imagine what recollections he was stirring up.

She shook her head sadly, "No, the baby died because of a true knot in the cord."

Jack nodded sadly, "Very rare." He intoned quietly.

"Yes," she whispered, "so I'm told. Do you want to prod me now?"

He nodded and gave her a hand up onto the bunk, as she lay back he could see her eyes were brimmed with tears that she was doing her best to hold back, "Kate, what you said, if you do want to ... go through with this, I'll do everything I can to -"

She shook her head, "No, you're right I can't for so many reasons. At least ... at least this way is my choice." tears escaped, she tried to fight them back at first then gave in and let them roll silently down her face.

Jack silently wiped a few away and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, slightly outside the usual doctor patient confines, but he felt that was what she needed at that moment, or perhaps he just needed to feel he was giving her as much as he could.

Kate turned her face away and stared at the window beside her as jack palpated her abdomen. It made her feel cold and sick, could he feel the baby? Was it squirming away from his touch? She imagined she could feel it curled up there like a stone. She felt her body tilt as he sat next to her. His silence concerned her.

"Jack?"

He faced her, she read disappointment in his expression, he cleared his throat, "Were you seeing someone before the crash?"

"What? No, what does this-?"

"You were pregnant before that night Kate."

She shook her head, "No that's impossible, really I assure you it is."

He stood up abruptly, "Kate are you lying? Why would you lie? Do you think I won't help you if you tell me that you slept with some guy in Sydney? Do you think that little of me that you can't bother to tell me the truth about _anything?_" He stormed for the door.

"Jack, wait, please." she shouted after him, she was crying properly now, in confusion and anger that he could jump to conclusions about her so quickly. Perhaps it would always be that way; she was after all a criminal.

"No, Kate." he stormed out the door.

In her anger and distress she forgot that anyone else would be around, "I am NOT lying, I could not have been pregnant when we crashed her, why are you so sure that I'm lying!" she screamed after him. She came abruptly to a halt when she realised that Charlie and Hurley had just witness most of that exchange.

The sudden publicity of the situation seemed to calm jack slightly and he turned to face her, "You want me to discuss this with you now, here?"

Kate faced the pair who stood open mouthed, "Might as well, it looks like I don't have too many secrets left, Jack." This drew awkward shuffles from the pair of onlookers but they did not make a move to leave.

"I'm a doctor Kate, not an OB, but I know how to do a basic assessment, OK? When I examined you just now I could feel the top of your uterus, just here," he drew an imaginary line just above the level of her hips, "that means that you are at least 12 weeks pregnant. If not you uterus is twice the size it should be for when you conceived Kate."

Her face ashen she looked him straight in the face and replied through her tears, "If you're a doctor jack you should be well aware of what causes that."

­

"_What?" Kate starred blankly at him from her pillow, her legs were in plaster, she had drains and line in, she could not move, her brain was thankful as it had just fried it's self and was unsure that it could co-ordinate movement as well as process this newest piece of information._

"_Twins." He whispered the word as if saying it too loud might break it, "You did lose a baby in the crash, Kate, but one survived, you're still pregnant. I didn't know whether to tell you now, or wait. I thought it might be something that helped you get back on your feet."_

_A tear leaked down her face, "I'm sorry you found out like this, Tom, I didn't want you to drop everything for me, I understand you have responsibilities to your job-"_

_He placed his finger over her lips, "My responsibility right now is to get you better and look after you and this baby, it's a miracle you're both alive."_

Jack's posture suddenly slacked, "Kate, I'm sorry, I was out of line." His official line changed head-spinningly fast.

She nodded.

"What we discussed, that was-"

She nodded, "I need some fresh air." Was all she said.

"I'm sorry, Kate let me come with you-" he tried to take her hand as she passed, she brushed him away.

Jack stood and let her go, he thought a few minutes on her own to calm down might be helpful, then again it might just give her enough time to formulate another 20 reasons to throttle the life out of him. He sighed deeply and turned to the two silent on-lookers, "You shouldn't have heard any of that, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't share it?"

They both nodded solemnly, "Jack, I can honestly say I'm really sure what I'd say." Was Charlie's response.

"Kate's pregnant?" Hurley asked. As Jack nodded in reply he continued, "She's a tough chick man, you made her cry, think you'd better go after her? She's on her own, pregnant with _twins?_ I'd be more worried about freaky jungle people snatchin' the lady than getting a bit shouted at."


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note: sorry for the delay in updating, have ended up home schooling my daughter and have been trying to organise some material for that so has kind of ended up on the back burner. Not as happy with this chapter, but R&R welcome to keep me going!_

Ch.4

Jack considered his options for a moment then realised there was no way he could leave her to cool down. He guessed really that that wasn't working anytime soon. He didn't think he had ever managed to upset her so much during the time they'd already be here, but then medical practice on a deserted Island didn't exactly come as part of the standard medical training. Why was everything so complicated? He cursed silently, he liked Kate, perhaps he even loved her, despite the fact that he'd learned she was a criminal on the run within a day or so of arriving here. It had not tempered his feelings for her, but there was always something else. She had feelings for Sawyer, he had professed his love for her in a fever stricken moment, shortly afterwards Kate had surprised Jack by kissing him. Then of course she ran away. She became closer with Sawyer when Jack closed her out. Of course she did, he couldn't blame her for that, but he realised that actually he _had_ blamed her for that. Only because he had known that she would and he wanted her to... to what? Prove him wrong? Pine after him for affection? No, that wasn't Kate. She didn't show herself to be hurt easily. She had taken a leap of faith confiding in him about a list of things in the last 24 hours, and he had repaid her by doubting she had told the truth about the most basic of things. He told himself that he could be forgiven, that his feelings for her had clouded his judgement. He allowed himself an honest thought. He was disappointed that it was a situation like this that had finally brought her to him or him to her as it happened. He worried that this would forever close down a path that he very much wanted to take with her. It made their feelings for one another ever more complicated now that this event seemed to be the focus of their relationship. Could he ever pursue a relationship with her if he helped her to end this pregnancy? Would she _ever_ look at him and not remember this? Probably not. Would she even let him get a word out before she smacked him in the face? Probably not.

His guilt twisted a knot in his stomach; he had to go after her. Without a glance to the onlookers of his internal tussle he strode off toward the exit which Kate had headed to. His mind was racing, where would she go? Was she alright? _God I am SUCH an idiot!_

As it turned out he did not have to go far before he found her. She was sitting on a downed tree within a few steps of the doors they had just exited from. The sight of her twisted a knife further into his chest. Had he even broken her will to run? That most basic instinct which seemed to have driven her for years? She faced away from him, her head bowed, her face hidden behind a dark veil of curls that hung heavier in the humidity. He did not have to see her face to see that she was crying.

"Kate?" His own voice caught in his throat, it came out a whisper but she heard it anyway.

She turned to face him. Her face was slick with tears, her eyes puffy and red, she looked like she hadn't slept for days, the weight of the last few days' events was evident on her face. "Jack, just … go will you? I'd rather be on my own." She turned her face away from him again; he could see her wrestling to regain some of the composure he had stolen from her.

He eased himself a step closer, "I don't think that's true Kate. It's a big island, if you wanted to get away from me, ten paces from the door you just came out of is not a great start."

She did not respond, but he could tell from her posture he now had her attention. "Kate, I know it doesn't mean very much, but I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking properly. I'm too close to you to treat you like a patient, because I care for you, Kate."

"That's how you care for someone is it Jack? Because if so I can do without it, OK?" Her words were bitter but she lacked the tones to back it up.

Jack eased himself down next to her and deliberately relaxed his body, hoping she would unconsciously do the same. It was a medical school trick to diffuse a difficult situation; patients mirror your posture and mood without even realising it. His efforts were not rewarded, she remained as tightly coiled as a spring, "I'm sorry Kate. Maybe it's this place, the situation we're all in. I'm still trying to be a doctor with virtually nothing, and all the while treating people who seem to lie like breathing. Every time I've come across a situation that needed some medical intervention there's been a curtain of lies over the real issue before I can even think about it. It's wearing, you know? It's got nothing to do with you, your past, it's me, OK? My issue, not yours."

She nodded her without facing him, "Why would I lie Jack? You really think I'd have _anything _to gain?"

"No. Look I'm going to walk down to the beach, talk to sun, see what our, _your,_ options are. I won't mention any names, no one will know don't worry."

She nodded her assent, and watched him leave. As she watched him walk away she could feel herself slip deeper into her own fears and feel the exhaustion pulling her body down, it was like drowning, like he was her life line sailing away. For probably only the second time in her life she had no plan, no back up, no idea really how she was going to get out of this situation. She realised this mindset was not going to help her. This was not a situation she could get out of, it was one that needed to be worked on, worked out there was no way to escape it, unless they actually were rescued. That seemed pretty unlikely and also wouldn't really be to her advantage, she'd just find herself in jail.

Kate rose unsteadily from the log she had been sat on and decided to start after jack to the beach. She thought of going to the caves to get some water but the beach was closer and more open, the closeness of the cave walls had always added to her feeling of being trapped. She followed the path they had worn into the underbrush toward the beach. The sky was clouded, as if rain were about to appear, but it was not cold.

She allowed her mind to empty; there was plenty of time to rake over everything with jack later on. Abruptly she became aware of a noise behind her, she turned to see if she could see what it was, too late, she found herself suddenly face down in the grass.

Kate struggled under the grip that held her, it did not waver. It felt resolute but seemed to have no intention of taking her anywhere and apparently had no qualms about discovery being that this was a relatively well travelled path. That is what worried her most; this person didn't care if someone else came upon them. As she struggled to see, the weight pressing her down in the centre of her back became heavier and Kate finally relented and lay still. Her assailant did not ease up on the pressure and she was forced to gasp, "I can't breathe."

Her assailant shifted their stance and relieved the pressure a little, "Better?" A young female voice asked her, Kate nodded her agreement, "Don't do anything stupid ok?" Again Kate nodded.

"What do you want?" Kate gasped.

"Just to give you some advice, Kate."

Kate kept her silence; she was hardly in the position to challenge right now.

"I know what's going on, they will soon too. You might think jack can protect you, he can't Kate. Not on the beach, in the caves or in the hatch you seem to have decided to claim for your group. It's not the only installation on this island. Your front door is not the only way in. They'll let you think you are safe, then take you, cut the babies out and leave you to die. You understand?"

"How do you know about all this?"

"I've been charged with spying on you, I'm giving you a break. I helped Claire escape, I won't be able to do that again, they don't trust me much anymore. I have medicine, meet me here tomorrow; I'll give it to you. You can't tell jack, they'll be watching, they can't find out what you're going to do. Jack has to think it's natural too." She pushed herself up and allowed Kate to get to her feet.

Kate regarded her coolly, "You ... you were with him out there, you helped him, why should I trust you?"

She shrugged, "You don't have to, you can take your consequences if that's what you want."

Kate shook her head, "I won't lie to Jack, Alex."

Alex laughed at her, "Is your honestly worthy your life, or his Kate? If they find out they'll kill you, then him because they'll believe he helped you, they won't believe you over me."


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: long time no update I know, don't hate me …._

Chapter 5.

Kate had wandered aimlessly for a short time when she came across a clearing she recognised. She saw the downed tree she been sat upon that day. The day that Jack came looking for her, the day she foolishly kissed him without warning.

Heavily she sat down on the felled tree and examined her left wrist. Already it was starting to develop a good bruise. There were small, but noticeable, finger marks on the inside of her wrist where she had been gripped. She wondered at the strength of such a small looking girl. Kate supposed that she had had to be strong for survival. Though she would admit that she was hardly at 100 herself. It seemed likely that at any other time she'd have no problem throwing her off. Continuing to examine herself she came across more bruises developing on her arms, that was going to ache later. What was she going to say to jack? A couple of feet down a path she's managed to get herself into another scrape she wondered if she'd be better of locked in the hatch permanently. She wondered about what to do next, would Sun be able to help? Was that what she wanted? She didn't know, in temper she shoved her hand into her jeans pockets intending to make off to the beach to catch up with Jack. What she felt there startled her. Her fingers made out a small plastic packet, as she brought it out into the daylight she saw there were two tablets inside, just two, nothing else. She knew for certain they had not been there before, so there was only one conclusion as to who put them there, she knew then what they were.

Deciding on a course of action she headed toward the beach to head jack off. If what Alex had told her was right, she couldn't risk talking to him in the hatch and there was no way she was not going to tell him about this. She waited, just off the path in the shadows, to catch sight of him. She turned the small plastic packet over and over in her fingers, this small package could represent both the single most significant ray of hope and she'd had and the darkest gift she's ever received. She felt the weight of her decision pressing down on her almost as acutely as the humid air around her, it restricted her every move. She'd felt the same way about knowing Wayne was her father, it contaminated every thought going through her head, every action she took, until she finally took soon action.

Finally, she caught sight of Jack heading he direction, she eased herself out slightly onto the path so he could catch sight of him.

"Kate? What are you doing here?" he took stock of her appearance, "what the hell happened? Are you OK?"

She nodded her reply, "I had an … encounter with someone after you left me, the girl, Alex." She gave him a moment to absorb this information before continuing, "She knows, she says they watch the hatch."

She saw the horror cross his face then continued, "She gave me these, she says I should use them, Jack, and quickly."

She extended the small packet toward him; he took it from her hand to examine it, "Do you know what this is Kate?" It pained him to ask the question, he felt it cut through her, sometime; soon, they were going to make a very firm decision about how to proceed from here.

Kate tilted her head to one side, "I can guess."

He sighed and nodded, placing the packet in his pocket. He took her arm and directed her ahead of him, "Let's walk." He suggested gently.

Kate walked ahead of him comfortably, she felt his presence, could feel him mentally twisting every scenario in his head, she had no great urge to turn and face him. She felt their relationship had been peppered with enough bombshells, enough confrontation, enough emotional minefields; surely they could not include another one? She felt selfish and guilty but the greatest sadness she felt right now was that she knew this situation would sit between them like a rock. No matter what happened from here she knew it would be between them, they would never have a chance to pursue the relationship they had hinted at.

When they came back to the clearing jack placed his hand on her arm and guided her to sit beside him, he kept his voice hushed and low. Kate could not decide if that was to maintain a gentle sympathetic tone, or to prevent and interlopers overhearing.

"We need to discuss this properly, Kate, I know you probably don't want to."

Kate did not meet his eyes, she kept her gaze low, and the leaves which had fallen in front of their feet seemed suddenly enthralling. Jack's hand slid into her line of sight and rested gently on her leg.

_Her hand gripped the edge of the examination table as she waited; Tom had left the room, left her to follow the ultrasound tech when they hastily retreated from the room to fetch someone else. She was not sure how long they'd been gone, the silence in the darkened room pounding around her ears, but she knew one thing her baby had not moved for 24 hours, she knew she would not feel that again._

_The room was filled again with people and unfamiliar words, 'no foetal activity', 'induction', 'infection?', 'just one of those things'._

_That day and the next passed in a whirl of pain, refusal of drugs and reassurances, there was blood and the finally darkness, that was all she longed for, just to be left in the dark._

_Yes wasn't life, and death, just one of those things?_

"Kate?" Jack was whispering her name, it struck her that it was an interesting tack, to be quieter to get someone's attention. She turned to face him, her expression blank, she felt that all feeling had been knocked out of her, she just felt numb, blank, just waiting for someone to tell her what to do for the first time in her life. "Where were you? You seemed far off?"

Kate turned her head back away from him, "I want to use those." Even as she said it she felt that 'want' was a particularly hollow word, need, have to, yes but want? No.

Jack nodded, "I'll support you, be with you, but you should know, that's not risk free either." He waited for her to respond, when she did not he continued, "You're at risk from excessive bleeding, infection, you should know that if you do get an infection I may not be able to do anything, potentially, you could die, if not you could … become infertile."

She snorted, "Sounds like fun, ironic isn't it?" She extended her hand for the tablets which he held, "Anything else?"

He felt shocked at her lack of feeling but knew she was trying to protect herself from the situation and did not honestly know if it would do her any good to face it, "you have to take them at an interval, the first one-"

"I don't want to know how it works Jack." She shouted abruptly, cutting him off.

"No, of course not, sorry, Kate. I- you take this one first, the other one later, I'll tell you when."

"What will happen? I mean when will it- you know, when ..?"

Jack held her hand as she wrapped her fist around the small plastic packet, "You won't notice anything until after the second tablet, but, you can't change your mind once you've had the first one, you don't have to make this decision now Kate, please give yourself sometime."

She pulled her hand from his and threw the first tablet down her throat without water, he sat shocked at her action, "You see Jack, Alex made it perfectly clear time is something I don't really have right now."


End file.
